The cover on my personal Facebook page is a quote and it reads:
When the world says ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers ‘Try one more time.’
I try my best to live by that quote, not only through my struggles with Infertility and miscarriage, but through life as well.
Depression has tried to get the best of me, of my life, and of my marriage, but I keep on marching forward. Sometimes it does feel that I’m dredging through sand, but I keep my head up and keep on hoping.
I’ve been thinking about this journey and all that Infertility has taught me. There’s been ups and a lot of downs, but here I am still going at it. Still trying for a miracle but knowing that I’m not alone.
What Infertility Has Taught Me
1. It’s okay to cry and feel like giving up. The truth of the matter is, this emotion is on repeat, every single month when we pee on that stick and it’s blank. Just be sure to get back up and try again.
2. By all means, break out that bottle of wine to drown your sorrows in a glass of Moscato with some of your best girlfriends and bitch about the other pregnant girls around you. I mean, how dare they get pregnant before you?! Right?
3. See a therapist. Only you and you alone know your most inner feelings. Depression is a common denominator with infertility and miscarriage. Talking to someone can definitely help lessen the stress and better deal with the emotional roller coaster you are experiencing.
4. Go ahead and give TTC a break for a little while. Instead take this time to heal. Go on a second honeymoon or “TTC-Moon” as I like to call it. Rekindle your romance, you both deserve it.
5. Let your husband or partner know what’s going on. Chances are, he’s feeling it too. Sit down together and discuss your situation, your experiences, go to counseling together. They’re the other part of the equation, so please don’t forget it!
6. Don’t bother going to that Baby Shower your girlfriend is having for her fifth kid. Trust me they’ll understand. The way they see it is, A. You’ll either make it about yourself and cry right in the middle of it, or B. They’ll make it about you and give you unwanted “advice.” I mean after all, it is her fifth pregnancy, she got this down pat right?!
7. Don’t give up, ever! But don’t be too hard on yourself either. I know that every month we go through a mourning period for the “What could have beens” or the “What if this is its.” The truth is, we may never know why our bodies are betraying us.
8. Change doctors. You and your partner are the ones that need to feel comfortable. I mean there’s a person constantly probing your lady parts. If you feel that your doctor just isn’t empathetic enough towards your case, then go somewhere else. I’ve done, and couldn’t be happier with my doctor.
9. It’s okay to picture your life without children. It’s not so much that you’re resigning yourself to this conclusion, you’re just accepting your situation.
10. Be angry. It’s a fair emotion to have, but also look at all the good things in your life.
11. Don’t make TTC your number one priority. You and everyone around you will become miserable. Your support system will diminish and you’ll end up feeling even more alone.
These are just a few of the things I’ve learned through this journey. Yes it does seem we’re constantly giving ourselves a pep talk, but so is everyone around us. It’s already hard to make through the “Two Week Waiting” period, but imagine if you were going through it without a single sign of hope? It’d be even more miserable.
The way I’m starting to see things is like this: Every failed month is another month closer to a win, to a positive.